The Supreme Vice President of Technology and Other Tangential Operations

Your title grew three syllables overnight while you slept.
You are now the Supreme Vice President of Technology and Other Tangential Operations.

You exist —
but only between 9:26 a.m. and 11:03 a.m.,
the sacred window during which you asynchronously touch point
with your direct report,
the Vice President of Tangential Initiatives and Adjacent Technologies.

This is just before the pre-lunch retro —
you know, the one with relevant stakeholders.

The rest of the time,
you exist as The Core.
Not in the core — as it.

Last quarter,
the rolling average of the average closure time
for outbound support tickets
dropped by a statistically significant margin —
no one is quite sure why.

But charts were made,
and organizational efficiency
was declared "materially enhanced."

The Core sees all.
The Core rewards.

When you exist,
you are gunning for AHSVPTOT —
Almighty Holiness Supreme Vice President of Technology and Other Tangential Operations.

You join the daily stand-up.
You say nothing —
except to ask the Strategy Support Cluster to stay back
for a brief sync.

You are the
Supreme Vice President of Technology and Other Tangential Operations.

Until Thursday.

When The Core determines
you are Surplus to Requirements.

Your title expands one final time:
Former Supreme Vice President of Technology and Other Tangential Operations.

The Core reclaims your access card.
The Core reclaims your laptop.
The Core reclaims your desk plant.

You exist —
but only in the company’s “Alumni Network” Slack channel,
the sacred space where optimization casualties asynchronously touch base.

Cover art generated by ChatGPT (OpenAI) using DALL·E.